Thoughts of my brother…

Dear Grover,


Days after my brother passed, I stopped to buy a pack of Thank You Notes so that I could send one to each of my friends who helped me survive. I say “survive” because that is what you did ~ You helped me make it through a terribly painful experience.

Several times over the past several weeks, I have sat – pen in hand, with all intentions of “whipping out” these Thank You Notes, but instead ended up crying so hard that I could not see through my tears to express myself. I hope that my sincerity is not lost in these typewritten words… This is truly the only way that I am able to express myself without “blubbering” all over the paper.


As you know, Reggie and I were always very close and even more so in the last three years that he lived with us here in Dunwoody.  Losing him was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to face.

Reginald Wade Anderson passed away on March 7, 2020. Very purposely, he had never married and had no children. He was very set in his ways. He was probably the most intelligent man I ever knew – aside from our own Dad.  Although Reggie was retired, he rose every morning as though he was going into an office – showered, made his bed, ate breakfast and had lunch and dinner like clockwork. His strong military mindset continued long after he left the Army.

Fortunately, he and I had talked at length about his final wishes. And being “very Reggie” he even left a letter (hand written several years ago) with detailed instructions of his final wishes and everything I might need to tie up any loose ends of his life.


Reggie had an Advance Directive with a Do Not Resuscitate Order.  He wanted his remains to be cremated and asked for no funeral and no formal obituary to be printed.  Instead, he asked that we go to his favorite pub (The Duke) and drink a toast In Remembrance. And so, with much respect for his wishes we did everything that he asked.
I miss him terribly. I wish that you had the chance to truly know him as others did.
I know that Reggie left this world having lived a great life without any regrets.

Thank you for everything that you did for me during Reggie’s illness and after his passing. I appreciate all of the kindness that you have shown me and my family. I will never forget it.  I know that I could never repay the love and compassion that you have shown me but the least I can do is be kind to other people and make sure that the cycle of kindness never stops. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

In Friendship Always,
Regina

Still Missing Maryellen

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I think about Maryellen often.
I still miss her and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

Domestic Violence is a subject that many of us choose to ignore.
Often, it doesn’t even enter our minds until it is too late.

Many of us only think about it when it hits close to home.
I was one of those individuals…
I never imagined that one of my close friends was silently dealing with a domestic violence situation
.
She was extremely strong ~ mentally and physically. She’d give you her last dollar if you needed it. She was very talented in Boxing, MMA, and BJJ. She was very spunky. She was full of life and love… and had a super personality.
Of all the people {women} in my circle of friends, never did I ever imagine that she would be a victim and that her life would actually end in domestic violence.

This past Sunday, November 2nd, was All Soul’s Day. At mass, our priest asked us to come forward, light a candle, and say a prayer for those who have left their earthly life and have gone beyond to their life in heaven. I said a special prayer for Maryellen Cano.

3 years ago, sometime during the 24 hours between November 6th and November 7th, Maryellen’s life ended and she became one of my Guardian Angels.
There is no doubt in my mind that she is watching over me {and all those who knew her well} in everything I do.

I love you, Maryellen. May you forever rest in peace.
My soul is blessed and I have found peace in knowing that one day I will see you again.

 

Who’s Your Daddy???… revisited for Father’s Day 2014

From my archives… A Re-Post! Enjoy! 

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Last week, we celebrated what would have been Daddy’s 81st Birthday.

Sixteen years ago, at the age of 65, he unexpectedly died of a massive heart attack.

He was an Old Military War Horse.

A retired {26 years served} Air Force  Chief Master Sergeant {CMSgt}.

A rugged Korean and Vietnam War era veteran, whom we always believed would outlive us and whom we undoubtedly thought could live FOREVER.

On Saturday night, my Big Brother and I sat at the bar of a little Mexican Restaurant and raised our beer mugs to honor “The Old Dude” whom we now affectionately refer to as: “Mr. Anderson” (a long story).

Later, we relaxed at home in the living room, toked on an half-smoked Cohiba (a REAL Cuban, left over from New Year’s Eve), and “clinked” shot glasses full of Jack Daniels – all while we laughed and shared tales of our childhood.

This was the first time we’d celebrated Daddy’s birthday together in years.  It was a surreal experience.  Daddy was definitely with us that night – in Spirit.

Our memories of Daddy are similar, yet very different.  My Brother and I share most stories word-for-word, yet some other “Daddy Tales” seem more like third person fables that have been passed through the years of our lives.

A five-year gap between me and my Brother’s ages caused Daddy to relate to each of us differently… We assume THAT is the catalyst of our different memories.

Still, it’s funny that although Daddy has been gone from this earth for so many years, that night,  both of us admitted that we still seek Daddy’s wisdom and advice on a daily basis.

You may find it strange, but I probably “talk” to Daddy more now than I did during the last years of his life.

How could that be possible?

Well, Daddy comes to me in my dreams, he speaks to me when I am troubled and alone.  At times when I find I need an “extra push”,  or when I need help with a difficult dilemma, he’s there to gently nudge me along.  For simple decisions or even for the most complex issues, he is there to offer his advice.

I liken it to the tiny Angel and/or Devil that the Protagonist feels sitting on his shoulders while in the midst of a difficult decision.

It is similar a quick phone call to a Buddy to ask her opinion: “Should I choose Red or White?” or just like a “Phone a Friend” option on a game show.  Either way, Daddy is always there for me.

Today, as I drove to the gym, I thought about some of the life lessons that Daddy taught me = Future Fodder for this blog…

Occasionally, it does me well to reflect on these and consider their validity.

A Few Lessons from My Daddy:

  • You need to be happy to survive this life.  Do what YOU love and don’t surrender = You will always be happy.

  • Nothing has to be permanent.  Although there may be consequences, you ALWAYS have the option to change your mind.

  • Never, Never, Ever burn the bridge.  That bridge could lead you to new and exciting places that you never knew existed -OR- you may need to cross that bridge again to go back from whence you came.

  • We are taught to LOVE one another, but no one ever said that we have to LIKE one another.  To be Cordial is enough.

  • It’s a small world…  You’re gonna keep running into the same folks over and over and over again.  Keep THAT in mind, because, one day, either YOU or The Other Guy is gonna need a favor.  {In other words: Just keep it Cordial.}

Whether he’s your Daddy literally or figuratively,  or Dead or Alive, I’m certain that each of us have bits of wisdom from our “Daddy” that guides us through our lives.

Today, I challenge you by asking:

“Who’s YOUR Daddy?”

and

“What are some of the life lessons that he’s taught you?”

Think about it.

My Daddy Circa 1976ish

My Daddy – Circa 1976ish

Very Simply Dedicated to JB

end-of-rope

My Best Friend came home this week.
His visit had been planned for several weeks.
Little did he know, He came home when I needed him most.
It’s funny how things work out.
He came running…
And I am Thankful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHhjKQ8L_iU

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For all my life, I have been The Responsible One.
I’ve been The Go-to-Gal.
I’ve been The ONE in Control.

When it’s lost, I’ll find it.
When it’s off kilter, I’ll tap it.
When it’s twisted, I’ll unwind it.

If you cry, I wipe your tears.
Need a hug?
I hug like no other.
Want to talk?
Call me.

I throw the party.
I mix the drinks.
I plan the menu.
I  keep the jokes flowing.

I spend most of my days “fixing” Things.
I fix Friends.
I fix things at Work.
I fix things at Home.
I even fix things that don’t belong to me.

I walk the Walk.
I talk the Talk.
I play the Game.

Without doubt, when you need Me,
I am There.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to Wikipedia:

“You’ve Got a Friend” was written by Carole King during the January 1971 recording sessions for her own album Tapestry, and James Taylor’s album Mud Slide Slim. King has stated that “the song was as close to pure inspiration as I’ve ever experienced. The song wrote itself. It was written by something outside myself, through me.”  King’s album was recorded in an overlap with Taylor’s, and King, Danny Kortchmar, and Joni Mitchell perform on both. The song is included on both albums; King said in a 1972 interview that she “didn’t write it with James or anybody really specifically in mind. But when James heard it he really liked it and wanted to record it”.

 

Taylor’s version was released as a single, and reached number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and number 4 on the UK Singles Chart. The James Taylor version also spent one week at the top of the Easy Listening charts.

 

James Taylor and Carole King performed “You’ve Got a Friend” together in 2010 during their Troubadour Reunion Tour, as video screens show the two as they looked when the song was first written and recorded.

 

According to author James D. Perone, the song’s themes include an expression of “a universal, sisterly/brotherly, agape-type love of one human being for another, regardless of gender.”  The “reassuring” lyrics have long made the song popular with lonely people needing a boost of self-confidence. The song’s messages of friendship having no boundaries and a friend being there when you are in need has universal appeal.  For Taylor the lyrics had particular resonance due to the depression he had recovered from shortly before hearing King play the song.

 

How Do You Sleep?

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Please take your business and your money else where.
We would rather not be associated with the nonsense you bring us.
For you to stand in line, put your name on a waiting list, make an appointment, follow instructions, or even pay the same amount as others is absurd.
Yes, You are Right!
Your Ignorance of, ‎Paucity toward, and Disregard for the simple rules of Etiquette make you look like the Ultimate Ass.
A Lecherously Nasty Old Man with a Cold Heart.
You are a Prick and a Disrespectful Mother Fucker.
We can’t help but wonder: How Do You Sleep?

 

“How Do You Sleep?” is a song from John Lennon‘s 1971 album Imagine. The song makes several pointed and unflattering remarks aimed at his former Beatles songwriting partner, Paul McCartney, although Lennon would later state that many of the accusations he had written could just as easily describe himself.

 

 

Everyone’s Best Friend

Mark & Amy Selbee

Mark & Amy Selbee

I was awakened early this morning by the sound of my cell phone ringing and sad news of the passing of a Good Friend.
I cried.
I’ve continued to cry for the better part of the day.
And as the day has gone on, I’ve received call after call and text after text from friends far and near.
So sad.
Calls to extend condolences & hugs and ask for explanations or details of what actually happened to our friend.
We may never know.

One thing is for certain, we all have great memories of Mark Selbee.

Mark was Everyone’s Best Friend.
Mark made everyone laugh.

Found on a friend’s FB page this evening:
“R.I.P. Selbee. You were a pain in the ass and you loved every minute of it.”

Sooooo, True!

And to THAT allow me to add this:  —–> Mark was the only guy I knew who could punch a dude in the face while training/sparring — break the dude’s nose and then make him think it was his own damn fault.
I can hear Selbee laughing about it now.

Peace Be With You, Mark Selbee.
We will pray for you.
And our prayers will continue for your wife – Amy and your children, your entire family and all those whose lives you have touched…
Hopefully, we will see you again on the other side.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia::::::::mark

Mark A. Selbee (March 2, 1969 – May 24, 2014) was an American kickboxer from Atlanta, Georgia.  He had recently expanded his knowledge of martial arts to include Brazilian jiu jitsu and trained out of Knuckle Up Fitness in Atlanta.

Mark Selbee
Born Mark A. Selbee
March 2, 1969 (age 45)
Atlanta, Georgia, United States
Died May 24, 2014
Drowning
Residence Atlanta, GA
Nationality United States American
Height 6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)
Weight 224 lb (102 kg; 16.0 st)
Division Super Heavyweight
Style Kickboxing
 
Kickboxing record
Total 23
Wins 22
By knockout 12
Losses 1
Draws 0
No contests 0

 

She is Gone

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I don’t remember how we met.

But, we had been friends for many years.

She’d  listened to a few of my “He just broke up with me” stories…

And I’d done the same for her.

We’d hung out together when there was no one else around.

Our apartments were two floors apart.

On some Friday nights, we would be almost penniless.
Neither of us would have enough money to buy a six pack.
We’d dump our purses, gather what little change we had, and drive to the Beer Store to purchase a quart to cry over.

For entertainment:

We opened the curtains to the sliding glass door, cranked up the music, and danced with our reflections while the radio played full blast.
Our neighbors would knock on the ceiling to ask us to “Turn it down!”

When her son was born, He would not acknowledge him…
But, I did.
I was there to see his birth.

I saw him step on his first school bus.

I watched him graduate high school.

Our lives moved in different directions.

We lost track of time and years.
We missed each other.

Her son called today to tell me the news.
“She is Gone.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BLACKBIRD – THE BEATLES

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly

Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly

Into the light of the dark black night.

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

“Blackbird” is a Beatles song from the double-disc album The Beatles (also known as the White Album). Blackbird was written by Paul McCartney, though credited to Lennon–McCartney.

The Penalty Box

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This is Yet Another Testament as to why I am no longer Married (and probably Never shall be Again):

Several times over the weekend I heard these words come out of Grown Men’s mouths:

“My Wife (or Girlfriend) Won’t Let Me: ______.”

At issue, was something petty and ridiculous stemming from the Wife’s (or Girlfriend’s) own INSECURITY about herself.

I am both pained and saddened by this for three reasons:

#1) The fact that I know so many men who allow themselves to Openly and Freely become Emasculated by the women whom they Love.

#2) The fact that there are so women who are insecure in their ability to maintain a Loving relationship with their spouse (or boyfriend) WITHOUT placing “handcuffs” on them or threatening them with crazy-ness.

#3) The fact that I find I have NO Respect for these people – Husband (or Wife) / Boyfriend (or Girlfriend).

This especially makes me sad, because sometimes I see my own friends transform from independent, self-sufficient human beings into Troubled and Sickly puppies (or kittens) whom can not see for themselves what they have become.

I can not “help” them or “rescue” them in any way.

It’s as though they have lost their own individuality and all sense of themselves in their relationship.

I guess this is the kind of Love that I shall never experience or know.

P.S.  It goes BOTH ways… There are plenty of Husbands (or Boyfriends) who:

“…Won’t let their Wives (or Girlfriends): _______.”

Either way, these people are happy living in their Penalty Boxes.

Uh, errr,  I mean… Relationships.  Or at least they “say” they are.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trouble is the debut album by Maine singer-songwriter Ray LaMontagne. It was released on September 14, 2004 in the United States, and on September 20, 2004 in the United Kingdom. Although the album was released in 2004, the song didn’t enter the top five of the UK charts until August 2006. The album was produced by Ethan Johns, released on RCA Records, marketed by BMG and distributed by Stone Dwarf Records.

“Trouble” was featured in the second season of the American television show Rescue Me.

Trouble…
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Trouble been doggin’ my soul since the day I was born
Worry…
Worry, worry, worry, worry
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone
We’ll I’ve been…
Saved by a woman
I’ve been…
Saved by a woman
I’ve been…
Saved by a woman
She won’t let me go
She won’t let me go now
She won’t let me go
She won’t let me go now
Trouble…
Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Feels like every time I get back on my feet 
She come around and knock me down again
Worry…
Oh, worry, worry, worry, worry
Sometimes I swear it feels like this worry is my only friend
We’ll I’ve been saved…
By a woman
I’ve been saved…
By a woman
I’ve been saved…
By a woman
She won’t let me go
She won’t let me go now
She won’t let me go
She won’t let me go now
Oh…, Ahhhh….
Ohhhh
She good to me now
She gave me love and affection
She good tell me now
She gave me love and affection
I Said I love her 
Yes I love her
I said I love her
I said I love…
She good to me now
She’s good to me
She’s good to me